How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
"Sip happens."
I think therefore I yam.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!