I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe