A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
"Read between the wines."
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”