Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
"Back that glass up."
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers