A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.