Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.