Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh