Time to celery-brate.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.