What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.