The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
I think therefore I yam.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
"You had me at merlot."
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?