On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.