What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
"You're the wine that I want."
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Everybody romaine calm.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.