Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!