What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
"You're the wine that I want."
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.