Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.