Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
"I mead more wine."
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.