What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.