What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Potato puns are a-peeling.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.