Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.