I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.