How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
"Say you'll be wine."
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.