Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
"Read between the wines."
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.