Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
"Partners in wine."
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
"Here for the right riesling."
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.