Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.