What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
"Time to wine down."
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
I like you a latke!
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!