He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.