When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!