Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
This foundation is rock salad.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!