What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.