What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.