How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
I hope for world peas.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.