What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
"Great minds drink alike."
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!