I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
"I mead more wine."
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.