A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
You knead me in your loaf.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!