What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.