What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!