What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
"No wine left behind."
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
"I make pour decisions."
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!