Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.