Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.