I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Everybody romaine calm.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
"Read between the wines."
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.