If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
"Rosé all day."
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!