What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.