Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
"You're the wine that I want."
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.