How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
I love you from my head tomato
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!