Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens