My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
"Be kind, re-wine."
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.