When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”