What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!