What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.