What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
We’re a perfect mash.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.