I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Time to celery-brate.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
"Sip happens."
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.