When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!