What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Keep calm and carrot on.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
I love you a tot!
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!