What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
"Alcohol you later."
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out