Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”