I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
"You're the wine that I want."
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.