How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
I love you from my head tomato
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
This foundation is rock salad.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.