Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".