What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
I yam what I yam.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.