Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
"Great minds drink alike."
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.