What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
"Be kind, re-wine."
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby