When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.