Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!