What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
"Alcohol you later."
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”