Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.