What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
I yam what I yam.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
"Rosé all day."
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.