I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
Keep calm and carrot on.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.