When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
"Rosé all day."
Potato puns are a-peeling.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.