Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry