“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Keep calm and carrot on.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.