This foundation is rock salad.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.