I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
"Love the wine you're with."
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.