What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.