My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
"Read between the wines."
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.