What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!