I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.