Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
"It's wine o'clock."
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
"Be kind, re-wine."
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.