Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
"Alcohol you later."
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.