If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.