Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.