Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
"Sip happens."
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
"Here for the right riesling."
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.