What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
"On cloud wine."
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.