I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.