What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.