How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
"You're the wine that I want."
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
"I need to re-wine my life."
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."