I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan