In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
"I need to re-wine my life."
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”