The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.