my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
"It's wine o'clock."
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.