What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.