I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
"Time to wine down."
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.