Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.