What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
"You can't sip with us."
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".