Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
"Be kind, re-wine."
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.