Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.