What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.