What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.