The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry