How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.