What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.