What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
"You had me at merlot."
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.