What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
"You had me at merlot."
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
This foundation is rock salad.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”