What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
"Be kind, re-wine."
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
"You had me at merlot."
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
This foundation is rock salad.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.