What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.