I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!