What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
You don't know jack-o-lantern
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.