Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”