What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.