The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.