Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
Everybody romaine calm.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.