What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
"Partners in wine."
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.