What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
"I need to re-wine my life."
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.