A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.