How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”