The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”