When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.