What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.