What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.