I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!