Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.