I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'