I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.