What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.