Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.