What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
"Read between the wines."
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.