Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.