I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.