Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!