What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
"You're the wine that I want."
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".