What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.