What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'