What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."