What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
"Great minds drink alike."
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
"Rosé all day."
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.