What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
"You're the wine that I want."
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.