How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What a spud muffin.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!