Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.