How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
"I need to re-wine my life."
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.