Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.