Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.