Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.