When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.