Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.