How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.