Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.