What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.