My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Time to celery-brate.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!