Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.