Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur