I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.