What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.