What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.