What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
Keep calm and carrot on.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.