What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”