What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
"On cloud wine."
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
"Great minds drink alike."
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
"Partners in wine."
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".