What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
"Partners in wine."
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.