What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
"I need to re-wine my life."
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.