What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
"Sip happens."
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.