Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.