What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.