What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!