What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.