Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.