My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
"I make pour decisions."
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.