What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
"I need to re-wine my life."
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.