Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.