Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!