Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
"On cloud wine."
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.