What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
I like you a latke!
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!