What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
"It's wine o'clock."
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.