What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Time to celery-brate.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam