I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Everybody romaine calm.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.