What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
I yam what I yam.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
"Here for the right riesling."
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
"I mead more wine."
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.